It’s not always easy to talk to an ex. In some situations, you can end all communication and never see or talk to them again. That’s not possible, however, if you have children together. You have to find a way to speak to each other, regardless of how difficult or uncomfortable that might be.
Talking face to face should in theory be simplest. Facial expressions and bodily gestures can help you gauge the meaning behind the other person’s words and you can ask for immediate clarification of anything you don’t understand. However, it is often fraught with problems that can hinder rather than help communication. You can misread each other’s body language. One person might feel intimidated by the physical presence of the other, and rapid responses can sometimes be ill-thought-out. Hence it is important to have alternatives.
Emails and texts are an option
Various forms of electronic messaging exist. They give a record of communication which can be important evidence if problems occur. They give you the chance to delay your response and consider whether it is appropriate – although you still need to build in that restraint yourself, rather than just writing a reply in anger and hitting send.
Parenting apps can be useful
Parenting apps contain calendars where you can each enter dates to do with your children so you both have them to hand. Messages between you are stored, so there is a record to fall back on if one of you denies ever having known about something.
Using the children is the only bad idea
One alternative some parents mistakenly use is their children. They try to pass messages to the other parent via them. You should avoid this at all costs. Not only might children get the message wrong, but they will also have to deal with the immediate feedback from the receiver. Be it spoken feedback or just a sigh or groan, there’s a high chance your child will misinterpret it and be harmed. For example, they may take your co-parent’s sigh at the news you want to pick up the children later than usual as, “I’m a hassle to my parent.”
If you’re struggling with co-parenting difficulties, it may be time to review your legal options.
