St. Cloud Legal Blog

Before you got married, did you talk to your spouse about whether you wanted kids? If you're not married yet, are you planning on having that conversation before you tie the knot?

On one hand, it seems obvious that it's a conversation people should have. Getting married, for many, is the first step toward starting a family. They need to know that they have the same plans.

Divorce is already complicated. Don't let it get even more complicated by accepting some of the common myths people tend to spread. These individuals often don't mean to do it; they just don't realize that what they're saying isn't true.

To help you, here are a few myths to watch out for:

1. You're less likely to split up if you move in together before marriage. Reality: For reasons that experts can't quite pin down, this actually leads to higher divorce rates.
2. Your second marriage is more likely to last because you don't repeat mistakes. Reality: Second marriages end at a higher rate than first marriages.
3. Having a child can save a marriage. Reality: Having a child will not prevent divorce. Children actually add a fair amount of stress to a couple's life, and they make that eventual divorce more complicated.
4. Women and men have the same reduction in standard of living after divorce. Reality: A man's standard of living actually goes up by about 10%, while a woman's standard of living drops by 27%.
5. Adults who had divorced parents when they were kids are less likely to get divorced themselves. Reality: The truth is that adults who come from homes with divorced parents have higher divorce rates than those who do not.
6. Any unhappiness means divorce is coming. Reality: Marriages have ups and downs. Sometimes, couples work through periods of unhappiness. Other times, they see that divorce is the only possible end result. Every case is unique.

Planning for the end of your life can be difficult but putting an estate plan in place can be crucial to caring for your family’s needs for years to come. Planning includes simple documents, such as a will to more complex strategies like trusts.

Minnesota state laws are specific about what can or can’t be placed in a will or trust as well as the rules for choosing a personal representative, health care surrogate or attorney in fact.

A lot of time and research has gone into looking at how divorce really impacts children. Researchers warn against assuming it is always a negative event, for instance, noting that children who are trapped in high-conflict homes may actually see it as a positive. They did not have the life they wanted or needed when the parents were together and not getting along, so things improved after the divorce -- even though that meant splitting time with Mom and Dad.

That said, studies have found that the most difficult divorces for children are the ones where the parents have a low-conflict marriage. While that low-conflict marriage is better for the kids while it lasts -- naturally, not having conflict in the home is a positive -- it is more unsettling for them when it ends because it's harder for them to understand why it happened.